I need a fake job.

Twice already this morning as I'm meeting with new friends for breakfast, getting coffee, going to the grocery store, etc, people are asking me, "What do you do?"  It's a simple question really.  But the answer gives me away every time.  "I'm a student."  I usually keep it as vague as possible, hoping they won't ask the next question.  You see, most people who ask me are people who would feel isolated, embarrassed, or even condemned if I told them that I was currently working on my Masters of Divinity at Abilene Christian University's Graduate School of Theology.  Yes, when its not Lectureship week, or I'm not talking with other preachers (or preachers-to-be), I'm ashamed of it too.  I'd rather go through my studies without having to tell anyone what I was up to.  You see, no matter how I say it, what words or phrases I use, and what body language I employ, I convey the message that "I'm better than you."  If I just made up some job, (or okay, I'd honestly try to get one…or at least apply for one), then maybe I could avoid such an unpleasant conversation.

When I told Mike this morning during breakfast at BOBS, his whole demeanor changed.  Our conversation went from life, struggle and hope to him convincing me that he and his family go to church every Sunday and that he had been ordained online so he could perform wedding ceremonies.  I hated every minute of it…I wanted the old Mike back. 

I'm currently reading through a book for a class called "Getting Things Done" by David Allen.  I'm so very torn by this book.  If you look at the cover of the thing, it almost makes me want to gag!  If you know me personally, you'll find it hard to find me wearing anything other than a t-shirt and jeans.  That is not on accident; I don't necessarily WANT to dress up in a full suit, keep a cleanly shaved chin, and put my best toothy grin forward to sell more books.  I feel like by reading this book, I am succombing to a lifestyle; one that honestly makes me want to throw a few punches or something. 

At the same time, this book is all about handling the crazy lifestyle of the American workaday world in a sane way.  That to me is something worth writing about.  Statistically, Americans work more than any other country in the world, (and we are also less efficient at our work than other countries).  Somehow we are packing more and more "work weeks" into our lives, without having more than 52 to work with.  This book accepts that fact, and suggests strategies for living in such a crazy world where we can still get our project done, and keep the oil in our car changed.  

But isn't there a simpler solution?  I mean, if we really are the work-craziest country in the world, couldn't we turn it down a bit?  Is it our fear of losing our "We're no.1" spot on the planet that drives us to insanity?  Our divorce rate is the highest in the world.  We are 20% of the world's whole population, but we use 60% of the world's resources.  Time to cool our jets, find our place in the world, and return to our families.  

I'm sure I will use this book throughout life.  No doubt I will subconciously partake in this madness.  However, I'll take the strategies suggested by the Lord God, who rested on teh seventh day.  I'll take my to-do list with me for six days, then chuck it on the seventh.  What kind of crazy person would totally STOP for a whole day?  What about "Getting things done"?  From my experience with my friend's death yesterday, I'm reminded today of the need to enjoy life, not just do it.  Therein lies my frustration with this book.  That, and the guy has an ugly tie.

I've only had a few run ins with close-proximity Christian community. Most of these have happened in the past year as a result of Katrina's and my concerted search for a group of brothers and sisters that were collectively listening for the voice of God together.

Over this summer, we were a part of an "Anchor Team" that met together weekly for food and conversation. We dialogued together about how to better hear God's voice calling us into mission together, and each week we spent a good while in silence, just listening for God to interrupt and speak boldly into our hearts. We had a great group. Katrina and I, another young married couple, a single mom and a stylin' grandma-lady named Juanita.

She was the joy of my week! Her positive attitude and child-like faith had been born from a life of hardship and doubt. She was continually coming to our meeting times with bright twinkles in her eyes (behind her Paris sunglasses) telling us about a people group God had laid on her heart to pray for that week. She was looking out for the workings of God in the world.

I'm writing all this to tell you that last night she was killed in a car accident. After saying my goodbye's to her on Sunday (our last worship time at the congregation of which both Juanita and I were members), I never thought that would be the last time I would ever see her. So many of the church knew her well and seeing her gone is almost unreal. Her grandson depended on her for housing, not to mention spiritual stability. I don't have a ministry manual on how to deal with this. I feel fairly inept, even as I know God has placed this family and her grandson in my path for a specific purpose. This is where ministry goes off the radar, and into the trenches. It doesn't get any more organic than this.

Lord, I ask that you receive Juanita into your Spirit. Work mightily in her family and bring glory to your name in the midst of suffering and loss.

The Lord gives and takes away.

Some words on Soulforce, from our very own ACU president Royce Money:

"From the arrival of the group late on Sunday afternoon until their departure from campus last night, they were amazed that we treated them with courtesy and respect.  One example that kept coming up in the conversations was the fact that we asked them their names and asked them to put their names on a name tag.  Several people remarked to me that no one on the previous six stops ever bothered to ask their name, much less asked them to wear a name tag.  It seems that they did not know what to do when people treated them kindly."

"Several arrived sick with upper respiratory problems.  Wayne Barnard arranged for them to see our physician, Dr. Tony Rector on Monday morning.  They were amazed and kept talking about it all day."

"The tone was set for the whole visit on Sunday evening, when some of our faculty, staff and students had dinner with them.  Several commented that no one on the trip so far had ever eaten with them."

One of the atheist women commented to one of our people, "I may have to re-think my opposition to Christianity, because I have never met Christians like you.  Every Christian I have met before hated me."  

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you LOVE one another."  –Jesus
May I suggest that we must not only love one another, but we must also learn to love those who are diametrically opposed to us?   

Last night was my final night as a paid minister on staff at a
"traditional church".  Starting today, I am
"unemployed" and no longer working for a religious institution. 
This seems like career suicide, seeing as how I have NO marketable skills at
all (unless you need an ancient Greek translator). 

This has not only been a big transition job-wise, but also life-wise. 
The first Sunday after my birth, I was "going to church". 
Putting on the little suits and ties (clip-on of course), heading to Sunday
School for an hour to learn with my peers, and then spend another hour with the
church at large, week after week experiencing "worship services" of
all kinds. As I move away from the event of Sunday mornings, I can't help but
think about the impact it has had on my life.  Here are just a few random
memories:

- Getting up late every Sunday and remembering that I hadn't done my
Sunday School "homework".  Usually I would sit in the back of
the van on the way to church filling it out while Mom and my little brother
would work on his together.  

- Bible Hang-man every Wednesday night.  Teacher after teacher drilling
facts and memory verses deep into the inner recesses of my brain.  Felt
and dry erase boards were the source of creativity (along with the storage
closet filled with "fun" toys like plungers and toilet paper when the
teacher was not present.)

- Being isolated to the hallway when I acted up.

- Hackeysack and tag in the front lawn of the church.  Women gathered
together in the foyer and men standing outside by their cars, both deep in
conversation while kids poke around the baptistry, exploring its holy spaces
and magical reflections.

- As a teenager, attending churches other than my own for the first time was
eye-opening.  Transforming, emotive worship.  Smoke machines and
electric guitars were new to me.  Cool spiritual retreats with my friends
was truly the first time I've given an entire weekend to thinking about my
spiritual state.  

- I bought a huge study bible and plan on my own initiative to read through
the entire thing, cover to cover.  This is a confluence of my
"facts" learned through my childhood as I understand a God of grace
and truth.  

- As a college student, I look for the most powerful worship time and strong
teaching (best goods and services), most unified body of Christ (or the biggest
church). 

- Attend a college class of 150 students.  Continually try to plug into
ministries to find the same "ownership of faith" I felt as a young
man in my tiny church of 70 back home.  Never really found my place, but
was content with my "placing memebership" one Sunday. 

- Weekly met and developed relationships with the poor in a neighborhood nearby
the church.  My first missional act done locally.  Probably the most
profound, transforming ministry experiences of my life so far. 

- As a minister, living in the "fishbowl" was tougher than I
thought.  Now my thoughts could represent the thoughts of an entire
congregation.  Fun to take ownership of my faith and the faith of a
congregation, although also very humbling.  

- Mowing the church lawn and raking gravel.  Service to the Lord?

So many random memories. 
It’s powerful to see how God works over the span of many years (I think
I’m just getting to the point where I’m old enough to say something like
that!).  While I celebrate the old, I do
not embrace it.  I leave my past where it
is, and strive for the future, to continually listen for God’s voice – the only
thing that keeps me truly alive.