Think carefully about your last major disagreement with someone you care deeply about. Could the argument have been handled any differently? What might have happened if both parties stopped pushing their own agendas, and focused intently on listening to the other?

We may have lots of skills for listening to one another, but have we ever thought about what it’s like to feel heard? What are the proven changes in relational dynamics when both parties feel as if they have been understood completely by the other? Does behavior change when people know others deeply know? Could peace be just around the corner?

There is an innate fear deep within each of us that we are only being taken at face value by the world around us. We yearn to share the real story; give the definitive rendition of who we are. How many prisoners truly believe (and tell anyone who will listen) that they were wrongly accused? How often are divorces blamed solely on the spouse not present for the conversation? Each person at some level cries out with everything they have for divine appreciation. As Philip Yancy proclaims, “We are angels stuck in the mud; mammals trying to fly.” They are human, yes - but they see in themselves the potential for something more. Sure they see their problems, but they go to extremes to paint you another story. Call it saving face, or preserving integrity - but as long as people (even strangers) keep listening, people go to the grave in hopes that their story is heard.

“Wholeness is…understanding the whole story.”

Wholeness is a luxury most people cannot afford (or even desire) in the culture I live in.  I report that today’s North American culture finds more satisfaction and essential needs met in staying full, paying the bills, and demanding high levels of entertainment to surround you and yours at all times.  The American Dream has become for some the American Greed - we are senselessly driving after a life of satisfaction, to the neglect of wholeness.

Rather than endlessly pursuing our own dream of a large mansion, big buffer-zone lawn, and a tall, white picket fence, why not pursue wholeness.  The dream of wholenss is one of understanding the whole story.  Living beyond your own borders, you begin to hear, witness and comprehend the stories of many others.

Isn’t it true that even experiencing the same event a group of people will walk away with variations on the story of that experience?  Par example, the four Gospels are specific stories on the same experience, and each one is to be celebrated not as the event itself, but as the story that allows us to relive an event through another’s eyes.  In story, we forget for awhile our own agendas, and live in the world of another.

Experiencing multiple “worlds” will begin to give you a fuzzy picture of what wholeness looks like.  (Why else have 4 Gospels?)  A complitation of multiple stories, synthesized and woven together is realized only through a group of people from diverse backgrounds.  This is not the “averitas” of Postmodernity; it is not looking for the common ground, but higher ground!

Where is the common truth found and enjoyed in our healing as we discover (not our commonalities) but our differences?  Can we truly be “one in Christ”, learning to enjoy our diversity?  Does Christ place himself in the way of this dream of wholness?  No.  He is the common event, and we each have a story to tell from our experience.   The cosmic Christ (a la Colossians) peers down and covers all Creation, and all time - and he touches each person, each community.

To truly be whole is to truly understand the whole story.  Listening is the key to wholeness.   Wholness is the doorway to knowing Christ completely.

Wow…going deep today.  Gonna go eat some icecream now…

One of my good friends whom I have had the pleasure of really spending some quality time with over these past many months is in conflict with his local faith community which is sending him into a downward spiral of depression and spiritual doubt; and it pisses me off.

Yesterday he called, his voice shaking, saying that he felt totally “backstabbed” by the church that he has been a member of over the past year.  He is still a fairly new Christian, with a new blossoming family (with kids!), and deeply entrenched in the poverty culture here in town.  More than anyone else I know, this kindhearted man is able to traverse the social classes, and become committed friends with just about anyone from any background.

He was recently promised a position of responsibility and importance in one of the ministries at this church.  This ministry reflects one of his deep passions in life.  Unfortunately, this position was appointed to him by another who was deeply engaged in the lower-class social structures, and before long other members of the community were looking over shoulders, worrying about consequences my friend might have on the ministry, and asked him to not to take on this responibility.  This being his first chance at leadership in this church, this request came as a deflating surprise for him.  Disillusioned, he is ready to leave and not come back.
What really irks me is that this has more to do with trust than anything else.  It is the rich’s distrust of the poor, and the poor overly trusting a system which favors the rich. There is a deep fear among many church leaders (not just this example) that the church as we know it is nosediving in our culture.  I pray that it is.  My friend has no outlet for contributing back to his church family, because he doesn’t use the same system of “contributions” and “gifts” that the key players in this church engage in.  When he talked to me yesterday, he felt completely abandoned and hoodwinked by the “powers that be” that he once thought were family.

So I asked him what his next steps were - he said he was ready leave and not come back.  He confessed that the relationships that he thought were mutual were not willing to accept service, but rather were only interested in giving it out.

ISN’T THAT JUST WHAT SO MANY OF US ‘RICH’ CHRISTIANS DO?

Listen to this man’s heart, and hear what it says.  Listen to how it crushes his spirit awakening inside, and how it completely negates the “every member ministry” described in the New Testament.   One thing I pray for is an avenue for a new spiritually sustaining community that he can contribute to.  He and I plan to talk about the possibilities tomorrow.  Whatever happens, I’m just hoping this Christian, instilled with the gift of the Holy Spirit, can share his gift of service and ministry somewhere where he can be acknowledged and blessed, not stifled.

I’ve officially gone insane. Abilene:the crazy little town I live in right now, the one that brought me here ONLY because of the education it provides me at a local institution of higher learning, is going to be my home voluntarily beyond what I could do if I finished this degree at break neck speed. You heard me correctly: I don’t plan on rushing through my degree at an insane pace and high-tailing it out of here before I have a chance to catch my breath. …I must be going crazy.

Over the past year, I’ve realized in my life the deep need for honest-to-goodness LIFE. Really, I don’t have an all-out crazy lifestyle: I’m not working 40 hours a week while trying to keep a full load of courses or anything; but I’m floundering. I’m barely able to stay above water, and I’m certainly not able to live into the residency I’m a part of as deeply and as completely as I’d like to. I’m looking for a life that graciously accepts each event, relationship and learning experience as a gift. I’m looking for LIFE.
I’ve heard that true learning is a stool that is propped up by three legs: content, praxis, and reflection. Right now I feel like I’m living full-on the edge of content, with a little relfection I’m able to do on this blog and in my personal journal. I’ve tasted the sane life this semester, meeting with professors and friends who are actually trying to spend a whole day in Sabbath (no matter how much work they may have to do that day) and truly letting that day bring LIFE to the rest of the week. If I’m going to live this life for Christ, I’m going to do it with all I have - TODAY. Forget the “sponge it all up to maybe use it someday” method of learning. Give me a daily mixture of learning new content, then walking away from it to find some immediate use for it, and then a chance to prayerfully reflect deeply on what I’ve experienced.

All this to say: I’m dropping down to part-time status in graduate school. I’m giving up the dream that says I can do it all. I’m stepping down from my 1,000MPH mentality of learning, and deciding instead to cultivate relationships and communities of learning. This means I’ll be in Abilene for about another year to finish my degree. This is a tough pill for me to swallow, since my dreams of Chicago still loom enticingly large in my mind. While I can’t wait to move on, I’m going to savor the bite God has given me to chew on. I’m going to live the LIFE that is truly a full LIFE, right here, right now.

Some major shakedowns happening in our little LTG (Life Transformation Group).  For almost 7 months now two or three of us have gotten together each week intentionally to build relationships with each other and to raise our awareness of what God is doing in each of our lives.  It has been so amazing to sit across the table from two men I have come to love dearly these past few months, remain completely transparent with them about my life, share in the story of God’s Word each week, and regularly pray for the other and for those lost in each others’ lives.

In the last week, something has changed.  I am under the pressure of the semester’s finals and papers, unfortunately pushing most of my time spent with these friends to the periphery.  Another has found a new lovely lady in his life, and the mix of a busy schedule at work and giving needed attention to this gift in his life has left him at his wits end.  Our third brother is facing a crazy work schedule, and besides that he has a new baby boy and family to look after.  This may be God calling us to take a break for awhile.

Or could it be something even bigger than that?  Could it be that we are finding our specific schedules are no longer compatible because the Lord is ready to start several more LTG’s/similar accountability groups?  Sometimes the death of something old, gives way to a new life.  Jesus says in the Gospel of John, “Unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone.  But its death will produce many new kernels - a plentiful harvest of new lives.”  How frightening to be that kernel of wheat!

If we are serious about “seeing a vibrant family of Jesus in close reach of every person in our city, we have to be willing to allow things we have cherished to die when they need to.  I never feel ready to say goodbye to something that has meant so much to me, but to think of what it might be like to see the three of us starting brand new LTG’s with other friends makes it all worthwhile.  And I’d like to think that as we work with new groups, the three of us would occasionally meet up again to discuss the joys and struggles we face in our little communities.

God’s people are the kernel of wheat.  Everytime a church dies, we mourn its death.  But if that death gives way to a new church (or multiple churches) we can totally see that as a blessing from God!  We keep the KINGDOM at the forefront, and let the LTG’s, churches, networks, etc follow in line.

I’m scared of what might happen - but I keep thinking about the image of the seed.  You’ll never have anything more than a seed as long as its gripped firmly in the palm of your hand.  Let it go.  Let it die.  See what God is waiting to do in his resurrection power!