The Symbols of the Story
Traditional Christian weddings are the norm for the majority of the developed world. Regardless of your religion, there is something spectacular about the long flowing white gown, the handsome tux, the candles, the crowd…it is envied and mimicked all around the world. In Japan they have a saying, “you are born a Buddhist, you are married as a Christian, and you die a Shinto” referring to religious roots of the typical ceremonies one encounters in life.
This past weekend was an interesting one for me. A Japanese friend married her American fiancé and incorporated several Japanese twists, including the groom reading a letter in Japanese to her parents in front of everyone…HOW NERVE-WRACKING! The wedding was of course totally wonderful, and there was plenty of chances for me to reflect on my own marriage and recommit to Katrina in a new way as I once again saw the two of us standing up before our family and friends making covenant with God and with one another. I am not afraid to admit: I cry at weddings!
Something about the story that is played out during a wedding ceremony must speak to the very heart of humanity, seeing how universally the ceremony has been accepted. Imagine, before a sea of crowded faces, a man stands up with searching eyes, letting them wander over the familiar crowd. None of these faces seems to fully satisfy his longings, not even his closest companions near by who are watching his back, keeping him strong. He stands next to a much older man, a man who has walked the road of searching and finding, a man who knows how it feels to be alone. This older man also represents God, who stands next to the young man. In dogged pursuit, this young man learns God’s Word when He says “It is not good for man to be alone.” God knows that we are meant for relationship, because it is in the image of our Triune God that we were created. It is not good for a human to be alone, because God has never existed alone, but always in an interdependent relationship.
The music swells, the lights raise and crowd rises to their feet in utter amazement. They make room for her to walk down life’s path toward the man she has also been searching for. Out of respect they make a flowered aisle for her to penetrate the crowd and arrive at the man she loves. Her father clutches her arm with joy and grief, knowing that this is the last time she will be his. In a way, his commitment to loving, honoring and protecting his daughter is now complete. He now hands her off to the young man who can barely believe his eyes. This is his very own gift from God.
The best of ceremonies treat the time spent as an opportunity for worshipping the Lord God, and for entering into covenant with him, as the man and woman enter into covenant with each other. Truly, every witness of the wedding is a participant in covenant for the protection and care of this relationship. God does not treat marriage lightly. In a mysterious way, he allows man and woman to experience just a slice of God’s relational nature through the marriage covenant.
Candles have been lit by the parents symbolizing the lives of their two children, and the two families they represent. As the ceremony rolls on, the man and woman proclaim their commitments to each other through word, element (the rings), and light. The last of these is the lighting of the “unity candle”, symbolizing a reconciliation of two families that now are ONE. The deepest need of all humanity is the need to escape isolation and return to relationship. In these and other ways throughout the ceremony this deep fear of isolation is completely extinguished.
The older man speaks, and worlds are created. Much like God’s world-creating power, when the older man says “I now pronounce you, husband and wife!” Suddenly something new is born. A fresh creation of God’s sits before us in a bold way. Onlookers peer over the tops of tall, funny hats and feathers to catch a glimpse of this new victory in God’s creation, and the only response is praise and applause! The man and woman are now joined forever in relational ONEness, and their faces are beaming with joy.
The girls and guys that stand behind them now serve as accountability to this relationship. It is their responsibility to honor and protect that marriage from its individual parts. The groomsmen and bridesmaids stand as reminders that no marriage can stand alone, but that there is yet another circle of community that surrounds it. Relationships are always wrapped up in conjoined circles.
I love thinking about how symbol and icon speaks to the deepest parts of us, and regret that our culture does not recognize the power of the meta-narratives in which these symbols are a part. It is such a great joy to be joined into the greater story, and still greater that God has given us pictures and emotions and actions to tell the echoes of his Greatest Story, which has yet to be completed.
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