Eyes Wide Open
I had another one of those pump-you-up kind of conversations just a few days ago. You know the kind that you have in the midst of a “none of this is going right†kind of situation?
Chris and I have been worshipping together as part of a church for most of the semester now. It’s been difficult to get to know Chris, because we both live such frenetic lifestyles, and are invested deeply as students. He and I have had several chances over these past few months however to sit down and discuss our lives and what it means to be a vibrant family of Jesus.
Our little faith family of about 10 has been meeting now for just about one full year. In that year we have gone from just me, my wife, and one of my closest friends, to a broader and much more diverse family. Among us as we worshipped have been students, adults, little kids, the poor, the rich, the lost, the saved, alcoholics, foreigners…the mix has been great and we have loved it. And we have hated it. It is the business of seeing community as the real people you’re living with, rather than the ideal world we all tend to live in.
Bonhoffer’s great quote, “He who loves community, destroys community†could not have been made more real than in my own heart this year. I wanted so badly for our church to move beyond the superficiality that we as Americans all struggle with. Many of us wanted this, but Fear and Anxiety kept us from digging deeper.
So as Chris and I sat in his truck, discussing where our little family in Christ will go as we move into the New Year, it hit us. “It all comes down to opening our eyes.†Unless we have open eyes, we’ll never be able to see the hurt inside our brother or sister and name that for what it is. Unless we look with eyes wide open, there’s no way we can think about church outside the box of what we’ve grown up knowing. Unless our hearts truly desire the change from community-as-program to community-as-life-in-Christ, we will continually neglect and ultimately destroy each other.
Jesus seemed to be okay with people not getting it – though he didn’t let them get away with it! He was constantly drawing people out of their own selfish circles and into a world where they could learn to love others more deeply. A world where God was the center, and everything else flowed from that.
Lord, I want to see. I want to see you at the center. I want to see you at the center of our simple, little church.
No one can make someone desire something they don’t internally desire. (Believe me, Trina just doesn’t seem to get as excited about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as I do, no matter how much I try to convince her how cool they are!) For those who are ready to commit to being a family together, I am ready to go deeper. For those not interested, I bless them and send them. Not everyone has what it takes to face the brutal world of life together.
This means some big things for my life. It means a major reorienting of my lifestyle. I had planned on another very full semester this spring. It may be that I could learn more outside the classroom from my brothers and sisters. I had planned on continuing on in this life of isolation without much getting in my way; looks like that’s going the way of the dodo bird. I had thought I would get to Chicago before discovering community…maybe I’m supposed to find it right here in the desert of West Texas.
I love community – but I love my church family more.
