Fear of the Future
Fear of the future. Fear of change. Its easy to get trapped in fear with so much change going on around me. Entering my last semester of school, I’m amazed at how ethereal and theoretical most of my life has become. Now that graduation is in sight, I’m looking into what the future holds, and I have to say that all this practicality is a little unnerving.
For me, the danger is in finding my freedom from fear in my own prescribed guarantee of the future.
Prescribing is different than planning, or preparing. Its when I fall into deciding and prescribing who I will work with and what my paycheck will be that missing the mark in even the slightest bit becomes a complete failure in every respect.
Right now I’m looking for a job. Its my hope that I can get a job that fits in line with what I’ve been trained in and what I’m passionate about. Honestly, that limits my options pretty severely. Most guys with an MDiv are looking into working for a large mega church as a preacher, which regularly pulls 50-100 K a year. DANG. As hard as this is to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Add the fact that I am really interested in Chicago and before you know it I’m SOL.
Now I know how the guy with a philosophy degree feels.
There are plenty of other, more exciting jobs out there for me. I’m finding them all the time. I found a few today in fact! The question is not, “Will I find a job?” But rather, “Will I keep my options open while looking for a job that allows for flexibility and God’s guidance?”
These are very humbling times for me right now. I’m going to be putting myself out there for quite awhile, and might have a stack of rejection letters before its all said and done. I’m not giving up – and at the same time I’m not setting myself up (for failure).
A future that is completely mapped out (read: wife, 2.3 kids, well-paying job in church planting/mission work right out of school, white picket fence) isn’t realistic at all, and much less fun. If my response to fears of life after graduation is to create a perfect life to fall into, I’m in danger of being rudely awakened.
