Fear of the future. Fear of change. Its easy to get trapped in fear with so much change going on around me. Entering my last semester of school, I’m amazed at how ethereal and theoretical most of my life has become. Now that graduation is in sight, I’m looking into what the future holds, and I have to say that all this practicality is a little unnerving.

For me, the danger is in finding my freedom from fear in my own prescribed guarantee of the future.

Prescribing is different than planning, or preparing. Its when I fall into deciding and prescribing who I will work with and what my paycheck will be that missing the mark in even the slightest bit becomes a complete failure in every respect.

Right now I’m looking for a job. Its my hope that I can get a job that fits in line with what I’ve been trained in and what I’m passionate about. Honestly, that limits my options pretty severely. Most guys with an MDiv are looking into working for a large mega church as a preacher, which regularly pulls 50-100 K a year. DANG.  As hard as this is to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”  Add the fact that I am really interested in Chicago and before you know it I’m SOL.

Now I know how the guy with a philosophy degree feels.

There are plenty of other, more exciting jobs out there for me. I’m finding them all the time. I found a few today in fact! The question is not, “Will I find a job?” But rather, “Will I keep my options open while looking for a job that allows for flexibility and God’s guidance?”

These are very humbling times for me right now. I’m going to be putting myself out there for quite awhile, and might have a stack of rejection letters before its all said and done. I’m not giving up - and at the same time I’m not setting myself up (for failure).

A future that is completely mapped out (read: wife, 2.3 kids, well-paying job in church planting/mission work right out of school, white picket fence) isn’t realistic at all, and much less fun. If my response to fears of life after graduation is to create a perfect life to fall into, I’m in danger of being rudely awakened.

Katrina here. Blog #2. I was painting a young lady this afternoon downtown, and I noticed she was staring off into the buildings. I asked her what she was thinking about and she said, “I’m trying not to.” What a profound statement! We conjured up a business proposition: contemplative prayer meets fine art. Hmmmm… (It’s more like performance art, I suppose…) The question on many brains that needs attention is “HOW does one dump their brain clutter?” So, let’s talk about how to clear your brain. Well the parts are not difficult to understand, and naturally, this will look different for different people. I don’t have a recipe, but I have been trying some things. Here’s what you need to know:

1. Learn to trust more

2. Take your time, be graceful with yourself

3. Only say what you intend to do / only say what you mean

4. Do what you say / mean what you say

5. Be diligent (ask, seek and knock)

6. The door will open

Transparent Practicality — Here is what this has looked like for me. I haven’t perfected this at all, and this may only work for a season, but here is where I am at the moment. As I mentioned in my last post, I have just read David Allen’s Getting Things Done and Armchair Mystic by Mark Thibodeaux. And as Mark mentioned in the comments, these books seem quite opposed at first glance — one is about efficiency and the other is about the art of being. Doing vs. being. Are they really at odds?

I would venture to say that the art of being and contemplative prayer are a means to efficiency. I get much more accomplished when I am fully aware of my surroundings and my time than when I am quickly rushing from one thing to the next. I am also a nerd/geek. I love technology. I was taking apart computer hardware with my mom as a young girl while other girls were playing with Barbie dolls. So here is a tool I’ve been using to dump my brain. It’s a tool I’ve had to come to learn to use, and I like it. (And ultimately, true security is only found with God, and if it falls apart for some reason, I trust that He will provide and take care of me.) The tool is Toodledo, a free online software that manages tasks and assigns them priority. I use it in conjunction with Google Calendar. (You can see the little green checkbox next to the weather icons.) Here is a screen shot:

I like the fact that I can sit down to the checklist, take five minutes and dump everything that needs to get done (with a priority level and due date, if needed).

I used to do the same thing with checklists on pencil and paper, but I always dropped it because I would lose the checklist, and I was tired of transferring all of the tasks that I didn’t do onto a new sheet — I felt like a failure. Ultimately, I didn’t really trust the process either. I didn’t trust that I would do what I had said I would do.

Now, I use Toodledo as a referral point and a sacred space. By placing these things in this “silo”, my mind is like water. If I don’t intend to workout that day, I won’t write it on there! The only way this works is if I make the tool an authentic representation of what I truly desire and need to do. Otherwise a great deal of time and resources has been wasted. Once I’ve dumped those action items, I don’t think about them again (until it’s time for me to think about them). The process has been freeing and helpful.
This tool is one helpful lifestyle change that has really brought me peace of mind. Everyone’s approach will look slightly different. Please leave a comment if you have any suggestions or examples of what this looks like for you.

What about brain noise resulting from non-task based items? Like philosophical concerns or relationships? See you for the next post.

As the semester draws to a close, I’ve started getting antsy.  Katrina and I have been working on finding a place to live, I’ve been raising support and looking for any side jobs that sound feasible, and my papers for the semester just keep looming closer and closer.  I’m hoping to have most of the Paper Beast tamed by the weekend.

It’s really tough to know what to share on here, and what not to - I guess I’m having a “mid-blog crisis”.   I want people to be in the know of what’s going down in the Willis world, just like we want to know what’s going on with our friends.  But it feels like so much of my life is in transition (will that ever really stop?) and much of it would be inappropriate to share half-baked online.  In any case, here’s what’s on the up and up on our side of the universe:

I’ve quit my job at the steakhouse here in town.  The money wasn’t covering the bills, and my hours there were getting to be too much to try to juggle with everything else we’re here in Abilene to do.  Support raising has been pretty good so far.  We’re trying to work through how all that works.  More on that maybe later.

Trina is working full time as an artist.  She’s freakin’ awesome too.  Check her website out here.  By the way, she’s turned her blog into an art blog, but since she’s got some super sweet thoughts to share with everyone, she’s now co-authoring this blog with me!  Finally!  A good writer on Godgrown.net!  Welcome her to the fam!

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Hey, by the way - a totally sweet idea coming from a Denver simple church network.  Since Barna’s Simplechurch.com doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of life, the movement is going all Bill McKibben on the internet by staying “local”.  This map is a picture of where the communities of faith are meeting throughout Denver - and how to get in touch with them.  Pretty nifty.   Think I might do that with JFN.

It’s been over a week since the last post, so for this post I’ll quickly just write some of the things going on:

I’m in a Life Transformation Group with (we’ll call him) B, a new friend from the restaurant I work at.   An LTG is simply just a friendship that is specifically focused on remaining authentic with each other, reading together from God’s Word, and praying for our lost friends.  It stays small (2-3 people, the 4th person is a sign that its time to grow into two groups).  Take a look here for some more info on all that.  B is fighting against some major addictions, and is ready to see Christ change his life.  Already he is interested in bringing a few other friends into our group.  Could this be the “person of peace” I’ve been praying for the Lord to show me?

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The 411 Project is coming along!  Yesterday some of us met with Monty Lynn, a business management professor from ACU.  We were interested in hearing his opinions on how to fund the 411 project, and how to incorporate ownership of land and property.  I was expecting some pretty straightforward legal mumbo-jumbo coming from a BUSINESS professor.  But Monty, being the man of God that he is, wanted us instead to really focus on listening to Jesus and discovering how best to move forward.  What a trip…now BUSINESSMEN can be Christians too? (I’m only joking!)

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Trina and I are thinking about making a trip down to Waco, TX in the near future to see a community that takes Acts 4 seriously.  That means that they share all of their possessions, and live in co-housing arrangements.  I’m excited to meet them because I’m always fascinated to see alternative ways to live the Christian life (they’ve been doing this for over 3 decades!).

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There are new friendships and relationships that are really going deep this summer.  My friend Sean and I are spending more time together - something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now.  He was in MRNA as am I, and so we have a lot of the same dreams and impulses.  I hope that we have a chance to talk about possibilities for shared ministry in the future.

Not only that, but this summer I’ve been given the chance to do more reading, more praying, and more discernment for what Katrina and I have in store for us in the future.  I’ve been hearing from God pretty loud and clear lately that we’re to spend our time in Abilene doing two things: heal and equip.  If you want to summit a mountain (or spend your life in mission in one of the world’s global cities), you’ve got to have a strong healthy body, and the right equipment. Katrina and I are not interested in only going up a 1/3 of the way.  We want to reach the peak without burning out.  We see our time here in Abilene as real life and ministry, as well as training and healing for what is to come.

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Well, here’s hoping some more posts are on the way!

I’m finally after almost 6 years of living here in Abilene making my way out of the ACU “bubble” (social world that is contained within itself and only leaves itself when it is doing “outreach” or “admissions” which for ACU can be the exact same thing).

It’s probably because we’ve moved to downtown Abilene, I’m taking a lot less classes and I’ve got a job at a restaurant here in town! I’m learning really quickly that this restaurant business is like its own sub-culture! Unique vocabulary, dress, lifestyle ethic…its all here. If I were a sociologist, I’d be going wild. Even as a missiologist, I’m learning so much more about people as I work with them than I ever would have in a book or class.

At my restaurant is a practicing lesbian, at least three who are in drug rehab, a man who is supporting 9 children and another on the way, another who was married just 4 months before finding out that his wife was cheating on him for another guy (he just signed the divorce papers a few days ago). There is sadness in the lives and hearts of these new friends and co-workers, but I also see in them a desperate desire for life.

I went out to a bar with a group of them after a weekend shift one night and they bought me a drink (hey, what would Jesus do?). As we were talking and laughing, I realized that this is their family - for many of them this is their only family, and I am getting a chance to see what the very depths of their hearts look like.

Later that night, me and another guy were talking over coffee and he revealed to me that he had been beaten by his alcoholic father. He said this his father was abusive because when his dad was a child, he was sexually abused by a Catholic priest. I mourn for him and his family.

Another co-worker told me that her friend had died of a heart attack last night because she was struggling through rehab. I had no idea how complex and wicked the Evil One is against God’s creation.

What do I do? How do I not only provide a sense of comfort amidst the rubble but also offer them the chance to be alive in Christ together? Why can’t the church be that Good News that Christ and Paul were so convinced it would be for the suffering and dying? These people are suffering and dying now! They can’t wait for us to get our ecclesiology right!

I feel like we have such a long way to go - but I believe in Christ - and I believe in the power that he gave his bride to be Good News. But I need to know what the next steps are…my heart can’t handle all of this!