Many parents love their children, but few parents know how to put that love into constructive action.  What I mean is, sometimes we think we’re loving a child when we’re actually harming her.  Love is not as simple as a kiss on the cheek or handing them 50 candy-bars a day just to appease their wishes.

Not being a parent myself, I can not assume I would be any different than countless well-meaning parents in Chicago – and my heart goes out to folks doing the most important work in the world, raising up the next generation.  It IS the most important work…which is why this question must be asked…

What does Love do?

I look to the perfect picture of familial love – the Father God and his Son Jesus Christ.  Review the Gospels to find what the most beautiful, ultimate parenting skills look like in action.  Re-read the Gospels with the eyes of how God ‘parented’ Jesus, and you may find that the Love of the Father sends his Son into Mission.

I’ve seen some parents walking down the street with their two-year-old running about 20 feet behind them, frantically trying to keep up; I’ve seen other parents let their kids shoot ahead of them unawares, running at full-speed toward busy streets, and still others keep their kids on leashes, never leaving them out of their reach (with literal leashes~ or a GPS on their teen’s cell phone)!

Watch the Father keep his Son intimately close for years, teaching him who He is and Whose He is.  At twelve years old, Jesus has a better grip on his identity and his mission than most adult Christian leaders.  Speaking to his earthly parents, who had LOST HIM at a city-festival, found  him in the Temple, and Jesus’ pre-teenage voice, cracking as he plainly said, “Why are you looking for me?  Didn’t you know that I must be where my Father’s work is!”  Potent — both intimacy and mission wrapped into one sentence…(Lk 2:48-50)

As Jesus’ life progressed, he was sent out as the Light of the World, doing incredible work and breaking through the hardest barrier in the Universe – the human heart.  Even still, as a Good Father, God was ever-present and affirming of his Son, attuning regularly with Jesus in times of intimate prayer and communion.

And it is in fact, the same relationship God hopes for all those chasing after the Jesus-Way.  We have a real opportunity to be “Fathered by God” – to find our true identity, and our true purpose and mission in life.  There are enough voices vying for our hearts and our dollars in this culture – it will take focus and intentionality to be fathered by God, but its worth it – not just for your own life, but for your children’s.

Studies of eastern European orphanages where babies were essentially not touched (or nurtured) have long proven that nurture is in part what helps us survive – sadly, many of the under-nurtured children died.  Being nurtured, as infants and even as adults, helps us cope with the pains and pressures of this world.  It tells us we are not alone.

But there is also a deep delight that comes from nurturing!  This impulse seems to come with a nuanced maturity (don’t give a 2 year old a tender orchid to care for) but the process of nurturing seems latent in many kids from the earliest years (baby dolls…pets…Farmville!?!)  For countless adults it brings a deeper sense of purpose and joy.  Nurturing actually boosts the maturity of the one maturing!  Suddenly you’re focus is not only on yourself, but on someone else.

And this is the basic function of the Church!  To bring people from darkness to light, from immaturity to maturity.  As my friend says, “It is the Family of God, with the elders raising up the ‘youngers’.”  None of us come to faith and maturity in Jesus Christ on our own, it takes the nurturing and tending of a community bringing us along on the Way of Jesus.  And for the elders, the spiritual moms and dads of a church, nurturing others (also called discipleship) is like legal steroids for their own maturity.  This is just how it works in God’s family!

So why is it so rare in the American Church today?  There is a lot that gets in the way of nurturing – we get side-tracked with budgets, with building campaigns, with so much more.  It is simply more dramatic and impressive to see a new education wing built or to spend our efforts writing a better sermon series.  These things help in the process of nurturing for some churches, but they ultimately are a sideshow to the real project of the Church – to bring the entire planet into a relationship of delight with their Creator.

And I’d like to think that this organic nurture in the Church is not as rare as we think – it is likely that it just goes on unannounced.  With an older woman taking a younger lady out for tea, imparting wisdom and faith to the next generation.  This is where the real action is – the unspoken heroes of the faith.

Many times the best thing a church planter can do for a church is to leave it – not out of anger, spite, or revenge for some past misdeed, but out of an interest to remove a sort of scaffolding to truly let the building be what it is to become.

At times I’ve felt a little like a grandma (I know, weird.)  By this I mean that after a new couple has a child, often a grandparent will stay with the couple to help out around the house, teach a little bit of technique to sooth an infant’s cries, and simply be a loving presence.  However, there comes a day – when Grandma returns home – and that’s when the real adventure begins.

The apostle Paul found this an extremely useful strategy for developing a faith community – to get out of the way!  For Paul, he was in and out in as little as 9 days, and as long as 3 years.  Similarly, Neil Cole describes in Organic Leadership that mentors and church planters should MAWL their proteges – MAWL stands for:

• M – model
• A - assist
• W – watch, and finally…
• L – leave.

It is that last one I have the hardest time with.  Leaving.  I never fully trust that the group can survive without me.

But as I write those words, what kind of perspective is that?  Why do I think its up to me to keep some flywheel spinning, once its been spun?  I’ll get my hand cut off trying!

Maybe a little humility and bravery is needed.  Maybe part of what it means to see a vibrant family of Jesus in close reach of every person is not thinking that the family has to get it all right for years on end before the scaffolding can come off.  Could it be that things actually work better through strategic absence of a leader rather than persistent, suffocating presence?