Of course, the brothers are now scared that Joseph will punish them for their abuse and torture of him as a child. But Joseph is not like most younger brothers. He is not like most PEOPLE.  Here’s why:

All of us have trauma from our past, just like Joseph. And we live it out in our present. I am no different – I react, and recoil from the triggers that go off whenever I am reminded of some painful memory (even if I don’t consciously remember what originally caused the pain.)

We may know that what we’re doing in reaction to today’s event is disproportionately elevating the importance of today’s event (“You left the socks on the floor AGAIN!!???!?”) We tell ourselves lies about ourselves, (“No one cares about me, just look at those socks on the floor!”) about God, (“What kind of God would create a world where socks are left on the floor!?”) and about those we close to us.

All of it is drawing on early life experiences, where demons have crept into our fragile, innocent hearts and replaced the truth with lies, clarity with deception.

But somehow – Joseph was able to overcome all that. It was certainly a trauma for him to be thrown by his own brothers into that pit, but as he faces his brothers in Genesis 50:20 he declares,

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

This is supernatural healing! This is the return from darkness, and into light! Some people in Joseph’s place might have made it out of that pit physically, but mentally and spiritually they allow themselves to remain stuck in that pit for the rest of their lives. To make matters worse, they won’t rest until everyone is in that pit with them!

My question is: “Are traumas and the resulting “triggers” permanent, or can we overcome them?”

I have to rely on God’s Word here, and throughout the Bible – we can return from darkness, trauma, pain, and move to light, freedom, and salvation. This is the “working out of our salvation,” the “binding up the strong man,” the Satan speaking lies in our hearts. And yet, if we try to do this salvation work on our own, if we set out to “bind the strong man” we will lose!  We will end in frustration (others had to help Joseph out of his pit, and beyond human intervention, and God was there guiding Joseph forward).

But maybe the most important part of Joseph’s tale is how he views his own story. He knows that it wasn’t his doing that got him to where he is today, it was “God who meant it for good…” Out of this new narrative, Joseph is able to “speak kindly” to his brothers, the very ones who had plotted his destruction many years ago. Joseph was able to see clearly, while his brothers were still trapped in fear of their brother’s punishment. Joseph saw that God had used a horrific situation and used it to bring hope and healing to many people during a drastic famine.

Take stock of your memories. Mark my words, they are taking stock of you.

Take your painful experiences to the LORD, and ask him to give you new lenses through which to view your story!

It’s the difference of giving hope and life to many others, or sitting stuck in your own pit.

Many parents love their children, but few parents know how to put that love into constructive action.  What I mean is, sometimes we think we’re loving a child when we’re actually harming her.  Love is not as simple as a kiss on the cheek or handing them 50 candy-bars a day just to appease their wishes.

Not being a parent myself, I can not assume I would be any different than countless well-meaning parents in Chicago – and my heart goes out to folks doing the most important work in the world, raising up the next generation.  It IS the most important work…which is why this question must be asked…

What does Love do?

I look to the perfect picture of familial love – the Father God and his Son Jesus Christ.  Review the Gospels to find what the most beautiful, ultimate parenting skills look like in action.  Re-read the Gospels with the eyes of how God ‘parented’ Jesus, and you may find that the Love of the Father sends his Son into Mission.

I’ve seen some parents walking down the street with their two-year-old running about 20 feet behind them, frantically trying to keep up; I’ve seen other parents let their kids shoot ahead of them unawares, running at full-speed toward busy streets, and still others keep their kids on leashes, never leaving them out of their reach (with literal leashes~ or a GPS on their teen’s cell phone)!

Watch the Father keep his Son intimately close for years, teaching him who He is and Whose He is.  At twelve years old, Jesus has a better grip on his identity and his mission than most adult Christian leaders.  Speaking to his earthly parents, who had LOST HIM at a city-festival, found  him in the Temple, and Jesus’ pre-teenage voice, cracking as he plainly said, “Why are you looking for me?  Didn’t you know that I must be where my Father’s work is!”  Potent — both intimacy and mission wrapped into one sentence…(Lk 2:48-50)

As Jesus’ life progressed, he was sent out as the Light of the World, doing incredible work and breaking through the hardest barrier in the Universe – the human heart.  Even still, as a Good Father, God was ever-present and affirming of his Son, attuning regularly with Jesus in times of intimate prayer and communion.

And it is in fact, the same relationship God hopes for all those chasing after the Jesus-Way.  We have a real opportunity to be “Fathered by God” – to find our true identity, and our true purpose and mission in life.  There are enough voices vying for our hearts and our dollars in this culture – it will take focus and intentionality to be fathered by God, but its worth it – not just for your own life, but for your children’s.

Studies of eastern European orphanages where babies were essentially not touched (or nurtured) have long proven that nurture is in part what helps us survive – sadly, many of the under-nurtured children died.  Being nurtured, as infants and even as adults, helps us cope with the pains and pressures of this world.  It tells us we are not alone.

But there is also a deep delight that comes from nurturing!  This impulse seems to come with a nuanced maturity (don’t give a 2 year old a tender orchid to care for) but the process of nurturing seems latent in many kids from the earliest years (baby dolls…pets…Farmville!?!)  For countless adults it brings a deeper sense of purpose and joy.  Nurturing actually boosts the maturity of the one maturing!  Suddenly you’re focus is not only on yourself, but on someone else.

And this is the basic function of the Church!  To bring people from darkness to light, from immaturity to maturity.  As my friend says, “It is the Family of God, with the elders raising up the ‘youngers’.”  None of us come to faith and maturity in Jesus Christ on our own, it takes the nurturing and tending of a community bringing us along on the Way of Jesus.  And for the elders, the spiritual moms and dads of a church, nurturing others (also called discipleship) is like legal steroids for their own maturity.  This is just how it works in God’s family!

So why is it so rare in the American Church today?  There is a lot that gets in the way of nurturing – we get side-tracked with budgets, with building campaigns, with so much more.  It is simply more dramatic and impressive to see a new education wing built or to spend our efforts writing a better sermon series.  These things help in the process of nurturing for some churches, but they ultimately are a sideshow to the real project of the Church – to bring the entire planet into a relationship of delight with their Creator.

And I’d like to think that this organic nurture in the Church is not as rare as we think – it is likely that it just goes on unannounced.  With an older woman taking a younger lady out for tea, imparting wisdom and faith to the next generation.  This is where the real action is – the unspoken heroes of the faith.