We should find people of great influence in our peer group and in our discipline and listen to them. Because they differ slightly from us, these people sharpen us. Sometimes they are achieving such greatness that we feel a drip of depression looming in our seeming lack of accomplishment. But that only remains when we focus on our accomplishments or lack thereof.

Many would call this sort of activity “self-centered.” I contend that it is probably not “self-centered” enough. Perhaps we need to go even deeper into searching ourselves - we need to search inside of ourselves to find the still small voice instructing us. This voice trumps all external, peer-reviewed comparison. It says, “Keep running the race” and “fight the good fight” and “I will give you rest.” Man, I love that still small voice.

Like any discipline, some of the pitfalls of painting don’t emerge (or become recognizable) until after one takes the risk of continued practice. One of the greatest lessons I’ve been learning in painting is to take confidence in the simplicity of a single stroke – to appreciate what one simple stroke can accomplish and communicate. (The painting here is a study of Mark from a couple of weeks ago.)

Just because a stroke is simple doesn’t mean the painting comes out as simplistic. The simplicity of each stroke actually adds great interest to the painting. Now, I think a little bit longer before I throw paint on the canvas because I want to be intentional. And rightly so – a stroke remains packed with substance: placement, direction, color, consistency, texture, value, size, and relationship to other strokes…

Before I did a lot of trial and error painting. If any of you have ever tried oil painting, you know that the paint takes an incredibly long time to dry! So while the paint is still wet, if the artist meddles in the strokes, the painting becomes muddy and difficult to appreciate. I have killed many pieces this way – out of insecurity and in search of perfection.

But my search was misguided. Even though I may not see what the painting will be as a finished piece, I have to trust the process. I let go and force myself to trust something that I cannot see. And a visual product emerges. It’s such a weird yet satisfying experience.

Katrina here. Today is the dawning of a new day! I’m going to start writing my *great* posts here on this blog. All of the posts on katrinawillis.wordpress.com will be art-specific, so be sure to check those out (or sign up for an RSS feed) if you’re interested in the art posts (I post those quasi-monthly).

In North America, we have a hard time sitting still, being quiet, or being with others in silence. Noise = comfort. In high school, I used to study with the TV running and the computer and a side conversation going at the same time. And I would venture to say that high schoolers today are doing the same thing still. I’m actually listening to music as I write this now. Try this exercise: take five minutes, and if you have one near, set an alarm to let you know when the 5 minute mark hits. Turn your computer screen off. Sit upright in the quiet and focus on one thing in the room. Breathe deeply. Try to let you mind STOP. Do not go to sleep.

….. how was it?

If you’re anything like me, you probably have experienced days where you’re thinking deeply on something… and there is constant brain chatter (leading to anxiousness). I wake up thinking about “things” and I spend the entire day thinking about “things” as if my thinking will result in some sort of change. “If I just think deeply or hard enough, I’ll live wisely.” If I meet someone who doesn’t “think” as much as I “think” then they’re obviously more hollow headed than me. End of story. Until recently…

I have been seeking peace of mind. Jesus told us that those who listen to him and do what he says will be like the man who built his house on the rock. When the rains come and the winds blow, the house will sit firm. But those who only listen to his words build their house on the sand. The writer of Proverbs says that as a dog returns to its vomit so a fool returns to his folly (26:11). In English, we call this rumination. We’re so comfy with our own vomit that we won’t seek out new food.

I’ve just recently read Armchair Mystic by Mark Thibodeaux and Getting Things Done by David Allen. In the mix, I’ve also been meditating on the Matthew 6:33 mantra (Seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all of these things shall be added to you…)

The result has been the freeing art of the brain dump. What? How do you do that? Stay tuned.

Come Be My Light is the new book being published this month which is causing quite a tumult in both Christian and major media circles. It is the journal entries of Mother Teresa during her years in the “Missionaries of Charity” in Calcutta, India. Since her passing, the Catholic Church has uncovered tons of documents on her and her life in the process of beautification (the path to sainthood).

What they found however shocked them. Apparently, for the last FIFTY years of her life, Teresa lived in a state of complete isolation from God. Dryness in prayer, emptiness of heart, and a mind full of doubt was somehow the driving force behind her daily interaction with the lepers, the dying and the “untouchable” caste in India. In fact, it was almost immediately AFTER she answered the call to follow Christ on mission into India that he stopped returning her calls. But why?

St. John of the Cross, a Spanish mystic calls this the “Dark Night of the Soul”, a state of pain and separation from God on the path toward greater union with him, but rarely does it ever last as long as Mother Teresa’s. And we can be sure that this was not just some naval gazing pity party. Teresa regularly gave her self away so that others could be blessed, and continued (much like someone serving a comatose spouse) seeking Jesus with no response from him.

This troubles a missionary’s heart. We believe that when we take leaps of faith (like we see Mother Teresa doing) we’re going to be rewarded with an amazing spiritual life filled with intimacy and connection with Christ. Not so for Teresa, who is in many ways a pioneer of incarnational missions.

Could her sense of the void between her and Christ be her sharing in the pain he experienced on the Cross for all humanity? In the moment when, having taken on the pain and sin of the world, he cries out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” could Teresa, having taken on the pain of so many actually come to a similar spiritual experience?

I’ve talked with enough Christians who work with the poor and the terminally ill to know that their crisis of faith comes mixed from not knowing why God doesn’t immediately fix the problems he has power over, and from losing sight of their own spiritual healthiness to continue serving others.

—

So I’m wondering: can someone experience Jesus’ separation from God as a part of their journey to live like Jesus did? Why does God allow so many people to remain stuck in the pain and misery that they are in? And, is it possible to serve others so much that it kills your spiritual life?

The iPhone makes it’s debut today. Meanwhile, I just found out about Slacker Radio - a slightly backwater revolution that is taking place in the radio business. Since radio for the past 75 years has worked in basically the same way, I was surprised to finally see Slacker take some steps to advance the industry. Check it out.

When I first created an account, it took me straight to the “Top 40″ Stations, so for the first time in memorable history, I actually listened to some of that stuff. Through the sludge of Paris, Mandy, Justin, and Christina, I began to think a little about Top 40 radio and its function in our society.

Two weeks ago I was at the Civic Center getting ready for Wikicclesia when I bumped into Petty Hunter, the president for the local chapter of the NAACP. He had been given the conference room neighboring ours, and was thumping hip-hop loud and clear into the hallways. I enjoyed the irony of “Wikicclesia” meeting right next to “NAACP Hip Hop Summit” as I walked up to Petty. He and I talked about Hip Hop and the negative culture that surrounds it. We talked about how on Top 40 stations you truly do hear the same songs twenty times a day, many of them carrying the same messages of sex, gangs, drugs and hate. Petty talked about how he was hoping to expose teens in his conference to positive Hip Hop that doesn’t make it to the radio. You go Petty.

In a culture of constant noise, Top 40 radio is America’s method for meditation.

Throughout the day, as we drive in our cars, work on our homework, or even talk to our friends, we insert the little white buds of enlightenment, connecting us to a larger world that we cannot see or taste or touch. We allow the music to play constantly while we busily go about our lives, while subconsciously burrowing animistic messages deep into our brains. It is the brain candy of our generation - it is the cocaine of our culture.

What’s nuts is that music we listen to on the Top 40’s is simply chosen for us. Music labels pay BIG BUCKS to get their songs on those rotations, because they know that if consumers hear a song 20 times a day, they’re going to go out and buy it. What they could care less about is what they’re selling. Katrina once told me that in art, you could put a piece of poop on a pedestal, and with the right lighting in the right art gallery, you could sell it for a fortune. Pop-music and the big music business is not far off.

But what happens when the music of our culture is SOLD TO US, rather than us buying it? Or what happens when movies or TV is produced with product placement in mind? When art is more about marketing than simply making art? Our culture ceases to become a culture; it simply becomes the host for the parasite of the marketing monster that consumes its consumers.

Which brings me back to Slacker! Unlike traditional Top 40 radio, you have the choice to make a choice in what you listen to. You are listening to an online radio station (there are hundreds to choose from), and yet you have the choice at any moment to skip a song you hate, and it’ll never play that song again. Not only that, but its commercial free. Art made for art’s sake.

I feel like the concept of music meditation could be developed further here, but I’ve run out of words. It seems like our culture is better at mysticism than it realizes. We just have to discover what it is we are focusing on minds and spirits on. Thoughts?