Of course, the brothers are now scared that Joseph will punish them for their abuse and torture of him as a child. But Joseph is not like most younger brothers. He is not like most PEOPLE.  Here’s why:

All of us have trauma from our past, just like Joseph. And we live it out in our present. I am no different – I react, and recoil from the triggers that go off whenever I am reminded of some painful memory (even if I don’t consciously remember what originally caused the pain.)

We may know that what we’re doing in reaction to today’s event is disproportionately elevating the importance of today’s event (“You left the socks on the floor AGAIN!!???!?”) We tell ourselves lies about ourselves, (“No one cares about me, just look at those socks on the floor!”) about God, (“What kind of God would create a world where socks are left on the floor!?”) and about those we close to us.

All of it is drawing on early life experiences, where demons have crept into our fragile, innocent hearts and replaced the truth with lies, clarity with deception.

But somehow – Joseph was able to overcome all that. It was certainly a trauma for him to be thrown by his own brothers into that pit, but as he faces his brothers in Genesis 50:20 he declares,

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

This is supernatural healing! This is the return from darkness, and into light! Some people in Joseph’s place might have made it out of that pit physically, but mentally and spiritually they allow themselves to remain stuck in that pit for the rest of their lives. To make matters worse, they won’t rest until everyone is in that pit with them!

My question is: “Are traumas and the resulting “triggers” permanent, or can we overcome them?”

I have to rely on God’s Word here, and throughout the Bible – we can return from darkness, trauma, pain, and move to light, freedom, and salvation. This is the “working out of our salvation,” the “binding up the strong man,” the Satan speaking lies in our hearts. And yet, if we try to do this salvation work on our own, if we set out to “bind the strong man” we will lose!  We will end in frustration (others had to help Joseph out of his pit, and beyond human intervention, and God was there guiding Joseph forward).

But maybe the most important part of Joseph’s tale is how he views his own story. He knows that it wasn’t his doing that got him to where he is today, it was “God who meant it for good…” Out of this new narrative, Joseph is able to “speak kindly” to his brothers, the very ones who had plotted his destruction many years ago. Joseph was able to see clearly, while his brothers were still trapped in fear of their brother’s punishment. Joseph saw that God had used a horrific situation and used it to bring hope and healing to many people during a drastic famine.

Take stock of your memories. Mark my words, they are taking stock of you.

Take your painful experiences to the LORD, and ask him to give you new lenses through which to view your story!

It’s the difference of giving hope and life to many others, or sitting stuck in your own pit.

John 12:24 I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives. 25 Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity.

Philippians 2:5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

6 Though he was God,

he did not think of equality with God

as something to cling to.

7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;

he took the humble position of a slavet

and was born as a human being.

When he appeared in human form,

8 he humbled himself in obedience to God

and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor

and gave him the name above all other names,

10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.

Mark 4:3 “Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seed. 4 As he scattered it across his field, some of the seed fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate it. 5 Other seed fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. 6 But the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn’t have deep roots, it died. 7 Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. 8 Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!” 9 Then he said, “Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”

There is nothing as important in following Jesus as living like as he did, and his life ended in sacrificial death – how could us, as his followers live our life in any other way?  May God bless you as you live in his death, hoping for God’s resurrection.

More often than not, it is messy dance of back and forth.  It is ambiguous victories mixed with incomplete failures.  I don’t know half the time whose side I’m fighting for – and often it feels like my efforts are doing more harm for the Kingdom than good.

Why all this self-doubt?  We’re getting toward the end of Lent, and I realize each year that no matter how much purging and confession and buffeting I do to hone myself closer to the Living God, there is simply no way to transcend the fact that I’m a person who will also be mixed with the spiritual warfare going on all around us. At times I pick up the flag of the enemy and run in the opposite direction, hell bent on destroying everything I desperately want to see accomplished in God’s work here in Chicago.

Dorothy Day, founder of the Catholic Worker Movement once said:

“What we do is very little.  But it is like the little boy with a few loaves and fishes.  Christ took that little and increased it.  He will do the rest.  What we do is so little that we may seem to be constantly failing.  But so did he fail.  He met with apparent failure on the Cross.  But unless the seeds fall into the earth and die, there is no harvest.”

Being a missionary isn’t a neat and tidy job, but then again, Jesus had a fine time living in ambiguity and failure.  That brings me peace.