We had a great Chicago mission team retreat over the weekend.  It gave us some new perspectives on our philosophy of “team” and I believe the Lord spoke to us through Kent Smith about the importance of putting first things first…

…Many of the passionate followers of Christ I have come across in America are avid ministers.  They pursue missions and ministry with all their heart.  They believe that we are to “love as we have been loved” and “love your neighbor as yourself.”  But strangely enough, it is not uncommon for these same well-intentioned disciples to end up losing their family, or hurting people for the sake of “ministry”.

Many others enter into a life of service to God and leadership among God’s people for the pursuit of true community.  They see God as the triune, perfect community, and they believe it is part of the Christian life to experience that same communion with brothers and sisters.  The only problem is, my definition of community is almost always incongruent with your definition of community!  Therefore we’re always fighting each other in order to obtain that ideal community that never really existed in the first place.

These two things - ministry and community, quickly become idols in the minds of many disciples of Christ.  They are important and godly, but they are not God himself.  There’s something more central that ties these two things together - IDENTITY.

Finding one’s true identity in Christ is essential to truly entering into meaningful ministry and community.  Jesus shows us this in his own life.  He is affirmed in who he is at his baptism BEFORE he does a single miracle, preaches a single sermon, or rounds up any disciples.  His Father says to him and to all others listening, “Behold, this is my son, I love him, and I am well pleased with him!“  What that would do for so many mission teams and even your average Christian if they knew that they were deeply loved by a Papa who knew them first and foremost as his beloved child; BEFORE they ever did anything for him.

But we can only find this identity when we are living in intimacy with Father.   Jesus found regular space in his life to connect and love his Father.  They loved each other uniquely, madly, and constantly.  It was out of this cultivated, intimate relationship that Jesus was able to find his identity, and participate in ministry and community in powerful ways.  Jesus says, “I only do what I see my Father doing.”

Alongside connecting one on one with Father, he found it helpful to hear the intimate words of his God through a band of brothers; Peter, James and John.  These guys knew Jesus inside and out - they spent more time with him than any of the other disciples, and saw him through thick and thin: the night he cried in the garden before he was betrayed, the mountain where he was transfigured into a glorious presence, and there for miracles of resurrection…

I know I’m desperate for this kind of fellowship.  I admit that its more elusive than I ever realized.  People…I…am far too selfish.  I don’t want to commit to anyone else - I want to be my own rugged cowboy, going it alone.  I pretend that I can hear God and participate in life with him all by myself - and that just isn’t true.  There are times…often…that I can’t hear from God.  That’s when I trust on brothers who’ve got my back and help me with the manna from heaven; God’s continual words of LIFE.  It feels as if this kind of community comes and then goes before you know it.  “Either you’re moving, or everyone else is moving around you,” a good friend of mine once said.  It’s sad but true.  I feel like this is a hinge point for North American missions.  If we can’t find meaningful ways of finding intimacy with Father, both on our own and with a small band of disciples, then we will fail.

Jesus’ intimacy with Father continued into a large, wildly diverse community.  The crowds, the disciples, the townsfolk that new him…they were a part of how Jesus connected with God.  This is the choir of coordinated voices singing their love song with God together.

But thank God, there was no formula - no set of principles for us Americans to decipher.  Jesus’ means of connecting with God and becoming intimate with him was in constant flux.  I’m guessing that that bible reading plan you started Jan 1st is already slacking.  Maybe God’s ready for you to find another way to connect with him.  Ride a bike, write a song, meet someone new.  Whatever it takes to find deep, lasting connection with your Creator Father.

Thanks to Kent for pointing some of this out to me.  It is a goal of mine to live in the reality of my own identity in God.  I pray that missions in my life will flow not out of a sense of ungodly jealousy or sense of guilt, but out of who I truly am, and my intimate connection with Father.

Thoughts on the diagram?  Others?

Fear of the future. Fear of change. Its easy to get trapped in fear with so much change going on around me. Entering my last semester of school, I’m amazed at how ethereal and theoretical most of my life has become. Now that graduation is in sight, I’m looking into what the future holds, and I have to say that all this practicality is a little unnerving.

For me, the danger is in finding my freedom from fear in my own prescribed guarantee of the future.

Prescribing is different than planning, or preparing. Its when I fall into deciding and prescribing who I will work with and what my paycheck will be that missing the mark in even the slightest bit becomes a complete failure in every respect.

Right now I’m looking for a job. Its my hope that I can get a job that fits in line with what I’ve been trained in and what I’m passionate about. Honestly, that limits my options pretty severely. Most guys with an MDiv are looking into working for a large mega church as a preacher, which regularly pulls 50-100 K a year. DANG.  As hard as this is to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”  Add the fact that I am really interested in Chicago and before you know it I’m SOL.

Now I know how the guy with a philosophy degree feels.

There are plenty of other, more exciting jobs out there for me. I’m finding them all the time. I found a few today in fact! The question is not, “Will I find a job?” But rather, “Will I keep my options open while looking for a job that allows for flexibility and God’s guidance?”

These are very humbling times for me right now. I’m going to be putting myself out there for quite awhile, and might have a stack of rejection letters before its all said and done. I’m not giving up - and at the same time I’m not setting myself up (for failure).

A future that is completely mapped out (read: wife, 2.3 kids, well-paying job in church planting/mission work right out of school, white picket fence) isn’t realistic at all, and much less fun. If my response to fears of life after graduation is to create a perfect life to fall into, I’m in danger of being rudely awakened.

Katrina here. Today is the dawning of a new day! I’m going to start writing my *great* posts here on this blog. All of the posts on katrinawillis.wordpress.com will be art-specific, so be sure to check those out (or sign up for an RSS feed) if you’re interested in the art posts (I post those quasi-monthly).

In North America, we have a hard time sitting still, being quiet, or being with others in silence. Noise = comfort. In high school, I used to study with the TV running and the computer and a side conversation going at the same time. And I would venture to say that high schoolers today are doing the same thing still. I’m actually listening to music as I write this now. Try this exercise: take five minutes, and if you have one near, set an alarm to let you know when the 5 minute mark hits. Turn your computer screen off. Sit upright in the quiet and focus on one thing in the room. Breathe deeply. Try to let you mind STOP. Do not go to sleep.

….. how was it?

If you’re anything like me, you probably have experienced days where you’re thinking deeply on something… and there is constant brain chatter (leading to anxiousness). I wake up thinking about “things” and I spend the entire day thinking about “things” as if my thinking will result in some sort of change. “If I just think deeply or hard enough, I’ll live wisely.” If I meet someone who doesn’t “think” as much as I “think” then they’re obviously more hollow headed than me. End of story. Until recently…

I have been seeking peace of mind. Jesus told us that those who listen to him and do what he says will be like the man who built his house on the rock. When the rains come and the winds blow, the house will sit firm. But those who only listen to his words build their house on the sand. The writer of Proverbs says that as a dog returns to its vomit so a fool returns to his folly (26:11). In English, we call this rumination. We’re so comfy with our own vomit that we won’t seek out new food.

I’ve just recently read Armchair Mystic by Mark Thibodeaux and Getting Things Done by David Allen. In the mix, I’ve also been meditating on the Matthew 6:33 mantra (Seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all of these things shall be added to you…)

The result has been the freeing art of the brain dump. What? How do you do that? Stay tuned.

A week and a half before school starts…for the last time. I would be in 20th grade this year if school was still counting, which is unbelievably too long. I’ve known very little about life outside of school, and its time I get to learning. (Funny…leave school to begin learning? One of life’s little ironies I suppose.) The school structures that I’ve been a part of for so long has been good ones. And I’ve enjoyed the overall trajectory that the Lord has sent me on through it all. But its definitely time to finish strong and to FINISH. It all comes down to this year.

My classes this fall are looking good. I’m taking two graduate classes; the first is Theology of Mission with Ed Matthews, and the second is Readings in Christian Spirituality with Jeff Childers. Since I have no clue (i.e. no syllabus emailed to me yet) about Matthews’ class, I’ve gotta rant and rave about my ‘Readings’ class. It’s looking really neat! Here are the 15 books (read, “ZOIKS”) I’ll be reading this semester.

What I’ve loved about my previous class with Childers is that his preference and expertise is on Christian communities not at the hub of Western examination. Christian expansion which coincided with the Western Roman Empire is only a slice of the pie, but that is all we’re ever taught. But what about the Syriac desert fathers of Edessa? What about Byzantium Christianity? Or the Celts? Or the early Anabaptists? Or the lesser known feminine mystics like Julian of Norwich? There is so much more to learn than my own little branches on the tree of God’s great family.

In a similar vein, I’ve been enjoying another Newsboys song (Newsboys? I feel like I’m back in High School again!) called ‘The Mission’: (listen here)

When the runners came from Bethlehem
All breathless with good news
They were passing a baton forward through time
The commission, from God’s lips to our ears
Carried by his saints two thousand years
Connects us all to the same lifeline
As I fix my eyes ahead
I can feel the spirit’s breath…

(AND) I CAN HEAR THE MISSION BELL RINGING OUT LOUD AND CLEAR
IT’S THE REVOLUTION JESUS STARTED, AND IT’S HERE
ECHOING ACROSS THE WORLD FROM THE SHORES OF GALILEE
I CAN HEAR THE MISSION BELL CALL FOR YOU AND ME
I WANNA RUN WITH FIRE
IT’S MY HEART’S DESIRE
LIFTING YOUR LOVE HIGHER

In the history of our faith’s arrivals
Great awakenings, Welsh revivals
Saints and martyrs, summoned by a new birth
Patrick’s save of the Irish nation
William Carey’s expectation
Lambs & lions
Called to the ends of the earth
Gotta put my hand to the plow
Not looking back, not now…

I have a feeling I’ll be exploring lots of uncharted territory this semester, and at the same time, I’ll be finding myself all over the place.

This past weekend Trina and I made a trip out to the DFW area to see our new buds Andrew and Heather get hitched! Andrew and Heather met at Harding and have connections to us through their friend Jonathan, who is the little bro of Daniel, my undergrad buddy and co-conspirator for the Kingdom. Together, Andrew, Heather, Jonathan, Chelle and Lucas have formed a mission team to Chicago while they were together at Harding University through the Outreach America program there.

We’re only really acquaintances at this point, and though we have similar passions and visions (however rough the drafts may be) for mission work/church planting in Chicago, we don’t know exactly what God has in store for us just yet. So how do we move forward from here?

We COULD draw up the blueprints of a well-oiled strategy, that drums up support from lots of churches and creates a sense of purpose and gives us outcome-based goals that move us forward intentionally toward a planned future.

OR we could find a weekend a few weeks down the road (and let the newly weds have a honeymoon!) and plan a weekend together. The only planning is what food to bring - the rest is up to the Holy Spirit. What might happen if we just got together and had a picnic? What sorts of strategies would emerge from a game of putt-putt (besides “bank if off the clown’s nose and through the windmill”)? What if training for team-missions was centered around a barbecue? I think the most strategic focus for missionaries is to simply be friends who like Jesus. The rest will grow from our time in friendship and in shared imaginations.

It’s like the Fellowship of the Ring. In that intense moment when leaders of men, elves, dwarves and hobbits sat in circle around the Ring, they began with strategy. Almost instantaneously a fight broke out among the dwarf and the elf, and before long everyone was in a distrustful fight against how they would proceed.

It took a humble hobbit, too small to fully understand his actions, to volunteer not a strategy, but a fellowship.

“I will take the ring…but I cannot do it alone,” Frodo said. It melts everyone’s fear and hate, and transforms the fighters into a fellowship; a fellowship that would have to learn to trust over time, but before it was over they were willing to give their very lives for one another.

So could this be an irresponsible way of building a mission team? Might this be expecting too little? Too much?